So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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