I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
