If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize