wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
