somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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