Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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