You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
