Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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