we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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