return my video game
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
