i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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