ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
