med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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