i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize