You smell like stripper and shame
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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