I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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