you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
