She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I love how my cats smell like pot.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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