The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
