I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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