He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize