I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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