I wish life had little blips of pornography
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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