I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
