Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
