I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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