She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
