i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he puts the penis in happiness.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
They have beer where we have blood.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
