Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize