i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
