Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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