I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
