I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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