lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
