My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
