Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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