i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
