So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
