I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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