Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
