I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
