youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
