How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
