I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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