mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
