I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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