I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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