Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
