there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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