please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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