What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
