I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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