My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
