Just mADE A PArabola og urine
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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