I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
