I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
