I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
