I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize