I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
