You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
