1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
