Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
