a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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