On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
