Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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