The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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