Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
