i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
