my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
