Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
