he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
