rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
