I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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