Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
