DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
