i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
