U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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