Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
