I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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