How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
