well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
