Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Randomize
