her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
