just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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