Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So squirting runs in the family.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
