Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
