You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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