my phone needs a breathalizer
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
