Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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