Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize