your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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