How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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