1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
