I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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