You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
