This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
