i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
