Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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