people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
