I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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