I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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