I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
