FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Couch. On fire.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
