We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
