Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
