Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize