I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
