I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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