i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
