Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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