Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
