So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
