How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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