And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
