I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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