Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
