I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
