Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
