omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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