Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
